Ticking Time Bomb

That's how I feel all the time--like none of this will last. Most days I am full of faith and have the reassurance that whatever comes my way will make me stronger. I know I can get through anything when I rely on the Lord.

However, some days I feel like this baby only has a limited time with me because the others only stayed a short while. I try to enjoy every moment I am granted with this baby, but I find myself thinking about how I am going to handle another miscarriage.

I was really bloated the other day, so much that my pants were getting a bit tight. Daniel cheerfully said "let's get you new pants!" In response I just got really sad when I realized that I have another week down...another week closer to when I could lose the baby. I told Daniel that I don't want to bother getting new pants, because in a couple weeks I will be able to fit perfectly into my old jeans again.

Many pregnant women look forward to each new week, being able to say they are that much more closer to being a mother, but for me it is one less week with my baby. I know this may not be true, but part of me feels like it is okay if I mentally prepare myself for a third miscarriage.

But amidst the fear, faith still remains...I just know that if this baby is a sticky one that I will be the happiest and most grateful mother alive.