I’ve been asked a couple times lately about whether or not
I’ve been blogging this pregnancy like I did with Nathaniel. I haven’t, but I
should because I put these blog posts in my journal when I don’t get the chance
to write. And today I looked back at my blog posts from my last successful
pregnancy to gauge when my hyperemesis became livable and was saddened to see
that I didn’t post progress till 18 to 20 weeks pregnant (while still being
medicated).
But if I hadn’t blogged I wouldn’t have remembered when my
silver lining might return (though every pregnancy is different). I read back
to when I stopped progesterone with Nathan, confiding my worries for
miscarriage and my hopes of feeling better off the hormones, but it seems the
same as last time, I still feel like hell.
This pregnancy is different though because I was high risk
through most of the first trimester due to my ectopic pregnancy last June
(2015) and my miscarriage history. The moment my pregnancy test showed an
inkling of a positive I got an appointment with my new doctors. These doctors
recently had three patients with rupturing ectopic pregnancies this past
summer, so when I mentioned that word, they began game planning on my care.
They took my blood every two days for a while to monitor my hcg. They also
threatened many times with removing my right tube if my pregnancy was located
there again. The first blood draw resulted in a mere 7 (barely considered
pregnant). The doctor called and told me he was trying to be optimistic, but he
was worried about chemical pregnancy or ectopic. He said if the pregnancy ended
in miscarriage I would get a full work up to see what was causing my problems,
so even if this pregnancy turned south, I would have care provided and plans
set in place.
My next blood draw my numbers were 35, more than doubled in
two days! Things were looking up. My next blood draw after that my hcg was 260!
More than doubling again! So a week later we scheduled my first ultrasound to
determine the location of the baby.
I always get nervous for ultrasounds. I’ve not had many
happy ones. I’ve seen my babies with strong heartbeats, only to lose them
shortly later. My only happy ultrasounds were with Nathan and they felt foreign
AKA normal. The day of this ultrasound I was stressed. I cried. I snapped at
Nathan (it was not a good mom day). I
cried some more because of mom guilt. I kept saying “I don’t want to know if
this pregnancy is in the correct spot or not, but I need to know, but I don’t
want to know!” I was a mess.
The baby measured a week behind, but was in my uterus. So
happy, but sad news since all the babies I’ve lost to miscarriage have measured
behind (but I have a severely retroverted uterus and even with a transvaginal
ultrasound it was still difficult to get measurements). The next ultrasound was scheduled and I cried
again before that appointment, but our baby (measuring 6w6d) had a heartbeat!
This bean still measured behind, but was catching up. The next ultrasound was at
8w5d and the baby’s heartbeat was 170! He was still behind but not by much and
my fears were lifted a bit.
Since then I’ve had IV fluids, thrown up more times than I
can count, and feel absolutely miserable. I recently went off my progesterone
hormone supplements (which is a worrying time for me).
Today I checked for my baby’s heartbeat on my home Doppler.
I was greeted with a beautiful sound. I am extremely sick with this baby, more
so than I was with Nathan. I can’t get up or move without feeling sick, but to
hear that little ‘thump thump thump’ was music to my sick and tired ears. I've also felt this baby since 9 weeks (small, barely noticeable flutters). Since 11 weeks (the time I was in Washington to visit family) I have actually been woken up with a strong (but rare) kick or two. And in the past few days I feel taps off and on all day. I love feeling the baby early!
I
have been given dates for my due date ranging from June 1st to June
4th. I’ve chosen to go by the latter date in order to give my baby
more time to grow at the end of my pregnancy just in case there is talk of
induction. So going by that date I am 12w1d.
