Intimacy after pregnancy loss

I'm, of course, not going to go into gritty details about intimacy after miscarriage, but I wanted to briefly mention about how trying for kids after pregnancy loss is not exactly the fun people think it should be.

I've had a lot of people say to me "at least you can have the fun of trying again." These people don't know what they are talking about. Trying to get pregnant again after two losses was a trial because of roller coaster emotions: "I want to get pregnant again because I want a family" and "I am terrified of getting pregnant because of the chance of losing yet another baby." Depression can easily take a hold of a couple with these struggles and make intimacy more difficult. By the third time we were trying to conceive again I was just sick and tired of being back at square one.

People who have fertility problems or have the "get pregnant and lose the baby" syndrome inherit the challenge of trying to keep intimacy alive. Yeah...it's not that easy when you either get a negative pregnancy test every month and/or you get pregnant and lose the baby somewhere along the line.

I've had even more people tell me "at least you can get pregnant." Well, yes, I am extremely grateful that so far it seems as if I am Fertile Myrtle, but my end goal has never been pregnancy, it has been to have a baby. Also, getting pregnant easily might not always happen for me. Each time we tried for kids we never expected to get pregnant right away.

So, if you have a friend or family member struggling with infertility and/or pregnancy loss, don't say the things mentioned above because it hurts. Plus, it is none of your business when someone is trying to start a family. I know that I use to be guilty of this when struggling for conversation starters, but I have now learned better.

I personally hate when people question if we have kids or are trying for kids. It is such a personal decision and journey for the couple. Unless they open up to you willingly, don't ask. I have always wanted to tell them "hopefully we will have our baby 9 months from this morning!" Being pregnant again does not change my view on this; I will still tell strangers who ask stupid questions that it is none of their business (politely, of course).