Belly Pictures

Well, I figured if anyone wanted to see my fatigue progression (I mean my belly progression) then here it is. Sorry it is a poor quality picture. I am too tired to care about quality at the moment. haha

39 Week Update

Looks like all these contractions that I have been having are actually doing something...yay. But that doesn't mean much to me. I have been having consistent contractions all day long for...I have lost count on how many weeks. By night they calm down for the most part (or I am just too tired to care about them). There was one time this week I woke up from strong contractions thinking "I should go back to bed and rest because by morning I may need to eat and head out to the hospital." Obviously they calmed down enough by morning. I would have loved to have had this baby on the 5th like it looked like was going to happen. Nathaniel is keeping us on our toes. Part of me wishes I was the woman to have regular contractions one day and then have the baby the next with no other major signs of labor. Fluffy pregnancies? I have been keeping busy with random errands and things to do so I am not thinking too much about anything.

I am sure Nathan will come when he is good and ready and he does not have an eviction notice. I hate those stupid posts about wanting the pregnancy over because they are so uncomfortable. It isn't fair to all those who yearn to be pregnant with all their might but for whatever painful circumstance are unable to get or stay pregnant for that long. Yes, pregnancy is uncomfortable and painful at times but it is a huge blessing. If I did choose one thing to complain about, it would be my acid reflux. I have had it since halfway and always forgot to mention it to my doctor. I remembered at my last appointment a couple days ago but decided not to ask for help with it because this baby is coming no matter what in 2 weeks (and I hate medications). My reflux isn't on the normal scale, it is so bad I can't sleep, eat, drink, or even cough without throwing up. It doesn't matter what I eat or how much I eat. It doesn't matter if I am sitting or lying down. At night I wake up gagging on vomit. But even with this horrible reflux, I am so happy for Nathan and for finally being blessed with a child that made it to term and will be arriving very soon. I have loved every moment of this pregnancy with him--the bad and the good. I am going to miss it, but I will have a squirming baby to nurture on the outside very soon and that is thrilling to me.

My thoughts on labor? Not worried about it. Sometimes I sit and think "shouldn't I be scared?" but no, I am not. I am excited! Sure, labor isn't going to be the most comfortable thing I have gone through, but I experienced mini labors with both my miscarriages and though I know full term labor won't be the same, I do know that I will have joy at the end and not despair waiting for me. That is what will keep me going. After all, Christ suffered for our sins in the Garden and on the cross, this is one of many sacrifices I will do for each of my kids. The pain, discomfort, pressure...all of it will only be for a moment in time, but my joy will be endless. Why should I fear labor? I have felt throughout this whole pregnancy that Nathan was different, that he is going to make it here safely. I feel as if this pregnancy and the labor/delivery will be guided and protected. I will have Daniel and my doula by my side for support and eventually I will be handed my son.

Daniel and I are stoked to meet Nathan. For now though, we are spending as much time as possible together, just the two of us because we know that this is finally it, we will soon be 3 on earth and 5 including our children waiting for us.

38 Week Update

This pregnancy is coming to an end. For me I feel like it is about time, but not in the same way people who are blessed to never have losses feel. I am not sitting here sick of pregnancy or wanting it over because I am "so uncomfortable". In fact, I have enjoyed this pregnancy and I am saddened to see it go even though I had random little problems throughout it all.

I will miss feeling Nathan on the inside. This pregnancy has given me a re-found hope in my body. After my losses I was worried I would never carry a child to term. Now I will be holding a baby anytime. I am excited to regain my body back as much as I can even though I plan on breastfeeding (so Nathan will still have a claim). The reason I feel like this pregnancy has gone on forever is because in a way it has. I have been pregnant for over a year with my three pregnancies together. If I count in the time in between each pregnancy where I suffered through deep sadness, wondering if I will ever have a child on this earth, then I have waited well over a year and a half for this baby. This is not counting the time we chose to wait to try for kids because of my field course getting in the way even though we longed for kids for years before Nathan. So I have waited. I am ready. I want Nathan to come as soon as he is ready.

I have officially gone off my aspirin therapy as of a couple days ago. It makes me worry a little, but not too much. Contractions have picked up even more, but now they are very much welcomed. Earlier this week we thought the baby might come soon since I was having contractions every 4 minutes for 9 hours before they settled down. But it just shows that Nathan is getting ready and my body is practicing and getting into gear. We wanted an August baby, but it looks like it isn't going to happen. I am not really a fan of September birthdays. There are just too many of them. I am sure Nathan will change my mind on my feelings about September birthdays.

My blood pressure has regulated. I am really happy about this because I don't want to be induced if it can be helped. Of course my blood pressure can spike anytime, but it has been nice not worrying about it at the moment. I am hoping for a smooth next few weeks.

36 Week Update

One-ish more month to go! I can't wait to meet Nathan! Nothing is terribly new symptom wise. Just lots of BH and blood pressure issues (headaches and swelling). We are pretty much ready for our boy to arrive. We mostly just need to stock up on more diapers and that is it (size 1 diapers). We meet with our doula again tomorrow (Tuesday the 19th) and I have a doctor's appointment on Wednesday morning.

I got the Tdap shot and the next day I ran a high fever that eventually calmed down, but we missed a cousin's sealing and reception. We wanted to go, but I was monitoring my temperature just in case it got worse or stayed high. Daniel decided to stay home with me and keep me company since I felt absolutely miserable.

This past week Daniel graduated from BYU (he has 9 credits to finish, but seeing as he already has a full time position waiting for him he is not looking forward to more school at the moment). He has worked so hard these past years. I have witnessed the long hours into the night, the stressful moments, and his struggles with some teachers and group mates. But it is almost over!

This semester will be his hardest even though he is taking 9 credits. I kind of snort when people hear he only has 9 credits and they say something along the line of "oh, that will be an easy semester!" Yes, 9 credits isn't full time, but those 9 credits are all credits directly related to his field which means hard, time consuming classes. And not just that, but it won't be a normal semester of just working at school and putting hours in at work. It will be a semester of a brand new baby (which Daniel won't be able to take school off and only a week (if that) from work). He will also have to work extra hard to keep our income flowing for our move and the baby. And on top of this we are moving far out of state which requires lots of detailed (and worrisome) planning for the winter move (along with the financial stress of getting a new car, eeek). I already worry for his sanity, and mine. I wish with all my heart he could take time off school and work for just a week without feeling behind so that he can bond with the baby we have struggled to have. Our only solace is the fact we will have a normalized life once we settle into our new Wisconsin home. 4-5 more months and life will be as normal as we can get it. We are so looking forward to a steady income and no more school (for now). We just ask for continued prayers and positive thoughts as we face these huge life transitioning times all at once.

I know some people think we are crazy, but these events are all necessary and unfortunately (and fortunately) they are all happening at the same time. Daniel and I do feel incredibly blessed that he is finishing and he has a job. We feel blessed for our child and know that he is coming at the perfect time for us even if life will be hectic for a little while. We know we will be just fine, maybe a little battered and bruised, but we will be stronger people for developing through these upcoming trials.

This past weekend Daniel's wonderful parents came to town to celebrate in graduation festivities. We had a great time! I absolutely love his parents! They take such good care of us. We went out to eat, they bought us groceries (thank you so much), we were artistic at 'Color Me Mine' and we went to the renovated Ogden Temple open house (where they were sealed and Daniel's dad received his endowments). It was a memorable visit. I didn't want them to leave. Now I am exhausted from being out on my feet for that long, but it was well worth it!!

I do wish we could live closer to them at times, especially once Nathan is born. I feel sad that Nathan won't have much time with his aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents out in Washington. Next year will be hectic only because we will be figuring out our budget and Daniel doesn't know when or how much time off he will get for that summer. Worst case scenario, I plan on coming out for at least a week with Nathan while Daniel stays home (preferably overlapping with Fletcher time). We will make it work and at least we aren't working around two work and school schedules like previous years. It should be easier to plan and stay longer, right!? Also, I may be a little selfish, but once Daniel gets some vacation time next year, we will want to use it spending time together with Nathan seeing as we haven't had a break due to school, work, and baby problems since we were married (nearly 4 years). With the emotional stress from the miscarriages we really need time to bond as husband and wife away from the world in a positive environment. We need to get out for a couple days and make memories outside the rut of everyday living. Maybe we will drop Nathan off at the grandparents and do a mini trip...or we will take Nathan with us (the more the merrier).

Anyways, that is enough rambling from me.