Peter's Birth Story

Peter’s Birth Story

Written on June 9th, 2016

June 5^th 2016 (Sunday)

This was a Sunday and we chose not to go to church so that Nathan would nap at home (instead of the car which is typical for Sundays). We knew we needed rest while he napped as well. We spent the blustery morning at Nannyberry Park (which we can see from our back door). Daniel played ‘stop’ and ‘go’ with Nathan while I sat in the shade of a tree just contemplating how wonderful life has treated us. My senses were filled and I felt very peaceful feeling Peter move within me and the warmth of the sun hitting my face. Daniel and Nathan also picked me tiny, beautiful, yellow snapdragon looking weeds. My favorite color flower is yellow. We then took a short walk, but I could feel this walk was different. I felt much more pressure and I was very uncomfortable and so we headed home (before I peed my pants as well). When we got home Daniel helped Nathan fall asleep (with his hat on because Nathan is obsessed with his hat). And then Daniel and I had sex (yay for TMI) and shortly afterwards I had my bloody show. Daniel then made me one of my favorite, easy meals: cilantro lime chicken with zucchini. I shared a Luigi Ice with Nathan while watching the episodes of Daniel Tiger where baby Margaret comes to their family.

June 6^th 2016 (Monday)

That morning was rough because Daniel went into work knowing he had a HUGE presentation to give. I can’t imagine how stressful that was not knowing if I would be calling him home or even if he would make it to give the presentation but having to prepare for it anyways. Watching Nathan that morning was tough because I was nauseous and beyond exhausted! I knew I was going to go into labor soon because of the way I felt. Luckily Nathan was extra zen that morning and was content watching Tinkerbell. I realized that I had been waiting for Daniel to give his presentation before going into labor. It was important to me that he did this for work so it was almost as if my body wouldn’t go into labor until Daniel was done. Sure enough once my mind was completely stress free I did go into labor.

We got into bed around 9:30pm and I just knew I was going into labor that night. I could sense it. I sensed it so much that I even got an adrenaline rush thinking about it. And yep, at 10pm, right when I was trying to fall asleep to rest up for labor, that was when my contractions started. From the start they were too much to sleep through. Daniel got a few hours of sleep before I woke him up to heat up some leftover cilantro chicken so that I could eat while I still had an appetite. I eventually ate jello, yogurt, the chicken, and a slice of watermelon (that is still sitting in our master bathroom as of the 9^th of June when I wrote this). At one point in the night I realized that the dogs would be a problem if we needed someone to babysit Nathan while he slept (they are barkers). So Kristina graciously came to take the dogs for us around 3am and we chatted outside in the cool night air for a bit before she headed off. That gave me incredible peace of mind that if I needed my doula to come in the night or if we needed to head to the hospital that the dogs wouldn’t bark and wake our toddler.

I spent the entire night laboring in our bedroom. Our upstairs is a little on the hot side even with the air conditioning running so I spent a lot of it sweating or being too cold when I took layers off. Daniel spent a little bit rubbing my back to help me to try to sleep at one point and it was heavenly and alleviated a lot of the pain I was feeling. Eventually Nathan woke up around 4 or 5 am and Daniel went downstairs to care for him while I tried to sleep on my left side while listening to hypnobirthing tracks. When I was on my left my contractions were almost unbearable and lasted 1.5 minutes each, but they were 7 minutes apart so I could doze for a few minutes before having to breathe through contractions. I spent a lot of early labor in leaning forward positions, laboring on the toilet (a lot), on hands and knees, and circling my hips on the yoga ball. I made movement the key to this labor because I could feel Peter was posterior. Just like when I was in labor with Nathan, I had intense back labor from the beginning. In fact, the contractions were felt intensely everywhere, they were difficult to relax through. I had lots of bloody mucus and I loved that! Just because I knew my cervix was dilating and the contractions were doing a great job! I labored a lot on the toilet in order to keep my bladder empty since I also focused a lot on hydrating. My bowels also decided that this was the time to clear everything out in a vengeance (I had five massive bowels movements). My whole night was spent pooping on the toilet (which was making me paranoid by the end of the night if it was really poop or actually a baby haha). Nathan officially woke up around 6am and we knew he would have an early nap that day which is normally an annoying concept, but this day (June 7^th) it worked out.

June 7^th 2016 (Tuesday)

At this point I was 40w3d or 40w6d depending on the due dates I was given. I spent a lot of the night laboring on my own and pretty much the whole morning on my own. I came down to say hello to Nathan as often as I could to try to keep his morning more on the normal side. At one point the sun was shining through our front door window and created rainbow lights on our wall and Nathan saw it and wanted to touch the light. It made me think about how Nathan was my first rainbow baby and I would be welcoming my next very shortly. It was comforting and also bittersweet thinking about how he was going to be a big brother soon. By 9am my contractions were 1 minute long at 3 minutes apart. I was struggling to relax during these contractions on my own and I was beginning to get nauseous and I could feel the rectal pressure building. I called my doula and asked if she would come assist me at this point. I didn’t quite feel the need to get to the hospital when I called her or set up someone to come watch Nathan, but within 10 minutes of setting this up I realized we needed to get to the hospital. The wait to get Nathan set up was agony because I knew Peter was coming. When everyone arrived I gave a quick run-down on what Nathan would need when he woke from his nap (Daniel had put him to sleep, I didn’t know it was my last time seeing my boy as my only child). While I tried to give instructions I had to stop and breathe through contractions which were coming at 2 minutes apart for at least a minute or longer.

The drive to the hospital is only 10 minutes, and the change made it so I only had two contractions in the car, but Wisconsin bumpy roads made me miserable. Have you seen the video of the girl giving birth in the car while her significant other recorded it? Yeah, during my contractions that was all I could think about because the pressure was getting out of hand!

We got to the hospital and the valet took our car and a nice older man asked if I was in labor and needed a wheelchair. I told him I was in labor and didn’t need one, but he insisted on following with a wheelchair just in case. I tried to explain that my contractions were easier handled walking and leaning forward and were more intense sitting. He followed us and I stopped a few times to breathe through more contractions. Daniel was amazing this while time, trying to do counter pressure when he had the chance, but by this point counter pressure was useless for me. However, his touch was all I needed to reassure me I was doing it. Tammy, our doula, was great constantly telling me my movement during contractions was good and my breathing and relaxing was great and to keep up the good work. Everyone seemed to think I was in control, but in my head I was beginning to feel completely out of control. I was worried we would get to triage and be told I was only 3 or 4cm and be sent home like I was with Nathan so many times.

We got to the elevator and went to the 4^th floor at Meriter Hospital and got to the triage room. I used the bathroom and then the nurse (who was amazing just like all the nurses I had) checked me for dilation. I was a stretchy 8! I was immediately admitted and I breathed a sigh of relief. It also gave me the reassurance that I did that much laboring on my own at home and was handling contractions well and I was reaching transition! Peter was very stable and I felt him move often during all of this, but I knew he was still posterior.

I was asked again if I wanted a wheelchair to get to my labor and delivery room. I again said no, because for me movement was key to getting me my baby. When we got to the room the nurse started filling the labor tub and I used the toilet, but while I was on the toilet I had a massive contraction and felt the familiar pressure of feeling of the baby descend. At this time my doctor (Dr. Schurr from Physicians for Women) came in to check on me and heard me breathe/moan a bit through that contraction and when it was over she came in and said something along the lines of possibly not using the tub because I sounded like I wouldn’t be in there long (It was meant to be a tub to labor in, not give birth). I was 100% fine with this because I was actually thinking the same thing through that contraction. During early labor at home I took a couple showers to stay clean and to help me through my back labor (the wonders of hot water directed to my back), so it was a little disappointing knowing that I wouldn’t get that type of relief again for my labor. (With Nathan, my water broke while I was relaxing in the tub and part of me was counting on something similar, but I also knew I hated having to get out of the water to push and being cold, then incredibly hot while pushing).

So I labored a lot on the birth ball after being checked again for dilation (I was at a 9). I made sure to circle my hips during and after contractions as I leaned against pillows at the edge of the bed. I knew Peter was still posterior and I was getting concerned that he wouldn’t turn. These contractions were changing fast. I could feel the pressure getting more and more out of control, but everyone kept saying that I didn’t look like I was a mom laboring with a posterior baby. I took the compliment gladly and gave me the confidence that I was doing really well, even if I was thinking about how maybe an epidural would be nice even though I knew it was too late and I never would want one anyways (that’s why I never vocalized my thoughts while in transition, I knew I didn’t mean them). I also was thinking a lot about how I was worried about losing more control and wanting to turn back. These are all common thoughts in transition for moms who choose to go unmedicated. I never had these thoughts while laboring with my first son, so it was a new experience. I was also getting very nauseous and after sipping water and Gatorade between contractions and having two small “bites” of a honey stick I decided I was done with trying to get nourishment into me (minus the much needed water).

I could tell contractions were still a lot in my back and that the baby was readily moving lower and lower (the nurse did a lot of intermittent monitoring which was nice not to be tethered to the bed , but the hand Doppler was very distracting to me while I labored). Everyone could tell when my contractions began to change even more and I was beginning to feel pushy because my low vocalizations were getting a little louder and would peak. My contractions at this time felt on top of each other. They would build starting in my front, radiating to my back for a few seconds, then hit me hard all over at the peak and then fade, but never truly leave before another came. I tried to use the fading part to move when needed to change positions or to the bed to get checked again at this point for dilation, I was still a 9, but almost there. Schurr kept asking if my contractions were still in the back, and I kept saying yes because it was true, but honestly, they were everywhere. Tammy reminded me to relax and visualize my cervix opening and Peter turning to the optimal position, which helped a lot.

At this point it was asked if I wanted to labor on my left side with my leg hanging off the bed and my hips stacked on top of each other to really encourage Peter to turn. I was a little timid about the idea, only because I knew from experience that my contractions were going to be a new whole level of out of control…and I was right. I was only on my side for a few contractions, but they were undeniably full of pressure and pain, but I did my best to relax and breathe and hold onto my husband’s hand for comfort and Tammy held my hips up. I felt Peter turn! I loved feeling him move at this time, but oh. My. Goodness! It wasn’t comfortable and then pop and gush! My water broke (clear fluid) and within that moment I felt him turn to the best position and I had an instant urge to push. I didn’t wait for anyone; I could not control this urge at all and knew I was listening to my body. The doctor was shocked and hurried to get gloves and a gown on because baby was coming quickly (water broke at 12:05pm). Schurr at this time was calm and surprised but told me that in the position I was currently in (my side) that Peter was going to come way too quickly and I would most likely suffer another tear like I had with my first (a fourth degree). Even though it was agony in the midst of my pushing and contractions, everyone helped me to move to the position she wanted me in to really minimize tearing and Peter coming too quickly. I was on my back, but it felt right, and everyone helped guide my legs and body to be where they needed (because I was in no way wanting to move at this point). I breathed a bit for some contractions, but mostly it was full blown pushing, but it did not feel like how I pushed with my first. With Nathan I felt lost. I didn’t know what my body needed; now I know what people mean when they say your body will know. I knew when to hold back pushes without the doctor telling me (though it was a good reminder since Peter was still coming too quickly). I could feel a warm compress (at least I imagined it was, I need to confirm this info). I pulled on Daniel’s hand during the pushing part in order to gain some leverage. I also constantly reminded myself to use low tones to birth my baby.

While pushing I was told to reach down and feel Peter’s head and I loved that moment. I felt him descend and I could feel the typical burn of a vaginal delivery. It was wonderful and difficult to feel at the same time. I remember praying for Peter to come faster that Nathan did and that prayer was answered. After 15 minutes of pushing, Peter entered the world at 12:20pm. I felt his head exit, and then his body twist and he slid right out. I absolutely love that instant relief when the baby comes out. The pressure disappeared and all was suddenly right in the world. I always am impressed with the way the belly just sinks when the baby leaves the uterus. I noted that with each of my full term births. Peter was born with his hand to his face. We were surprised I didn’t tear even more.

Peter was placed on my chest to begin skin to skin. With Nathan I was tired after a three day labor and five hours of pushing and though I felt the love, I also was too tired to have many emotions immediately, but with Peter, with Peter I felt that instant love. I shed a couple tears of Joy and looked at my boy on my belly. This was all short lived. They whisked him away within minutes because his breathing was ragged. I didn’t get to hold him again for over 24 hours. I didn’t get to see him again for hours after as well. The pediatricians came in and let us know he was going to go to the NICU. He just came too fast and didn’t get a chance to clear his air ways. His lungs were filled with gunk, fluid, and we also learned they were inflamed from a later x-ray. Every time they took oxygen off of him he would struggle to breathe and his levels would rapidly decrease. He was using his entire body to breathe. While being sewed up I could see Peter in the incubator being worked on (Daniel by his side). All I could see were Peter’s balls and penis. Haha! They are a decent size (not that you need to know, but that was what crossed my mind). Peter was eventually weighed and measured at 9lb and 21 inches. I can’t remember his head size, but they said it was big (90 something percentile).

Doctor Schurr told me I got a shallow 2^nd degree tear this time and a skid mark. I was thrilled. Beyond thrilled!!! Compared to my fourth degree, this 2^nd degree has been a Godsend and a breeze. It’s still hard and I still have a recovery, but Daniel was surprised to hear I could walk and sit on my own and willingly (he left with Peter to be with him in the NICU while I was stitched up and taken care of).

I really am sad we missed skin to skin. I always cherished the moment Nathan latched for the first time, especially since we ended up exclusively pumping, I still have the memory of him crawling to my breasts and latching. This time I got to get an inkling of overwhelming love for Peter and he was taken away. I did get to say goodbye and touch his arm before he left for the NICU though. Let me just say, NICU moms are brave. I always knew that, but I want to hug them all. I did not expect to have my full term baby taken away from me to have him poked and prodded.

Without my baby with me, being sewed up and getting my uterus massaged right after the birth was really hard for me. I was shaking from the adrenaline rush and my mind wasn’t as distracted as I wanted it to be (like when you are holding your newborn). While Daniel was gone I did have some large clots and a larger bleed, but the doctor and nurse helped me through that very well (but wow did those massages hurt). Tammy ordered me food to eat (a turkey sandwich, fries, and an oatmeal cookie).  She hand-fed me while I was pumping and also brought food up to Daniel to eat. I was beginning to worry about my breastfeeding relationship at this point. Tammy also got my placenta picked up for me so Caleah could encapsulate it (Caleah brought it over on June 8^th and we had a great visit, Tammy also visited me a day later to check on me. Dr. Cardwell has visited me twice to check on me and hear an update on our baby).

I then was wheeled up to the NICU to see how Peter was doing. I held him 24 hours later for the real first time. I wasn't aloud to breastfeed him then, so it was stressful on him because he wanted to nurse, so I let Daniel hold him for the first time while I watched. I was worried about a breastfeeding relationship, but when I finally was able to nurse him (when his breathing was regulated) he did really well.

One thing I mentioned to Daniel after having Peter was how before I went into labor my thoughts actually turned to the NICU. I had random thoughts about the possibility of having a baby that struggled early on. I pushed those thoughts away quickly, almost laughing at the idea because it felt so stupid thinking about a full term baby that has always been healthy in the NICU. I wonder if those thoughts were Heavenly Fathers gentle nudge to prepare me mentally for the possibility. Another thing I prayed for before labor started was for Peter to get in the perfect position for birth. I knew he was posterior weeks before labor and I tried and tried to turn him. Then I labored the entire time with him being posterior. I prayed during labor for him to turn. And then he did, last minute. It made me realize that patience is needed and prayers are answered in God’s time (though I would have loved to be spared the back labor). I also prayed to feel an instant love for our baby since it took time with Nathan and me. I felt that love, especially during our first nursing session. 

The NICU stay is another story altogether, but this was his birth story, It was hard, but I loved every moment. He is my Peter. He is my boy. Nathan loves him to pieces and I couldn't be happier with how everything turned out. God is full of tender mercies and this birth experience was extremely healing.