Wow...can I just say that I hate having a pregnancy that requires medications to hold? I am glad I am done with progesterone for many reasons, but now that I have been off it for a day (officially) I am so scared! The first time I decided to go off it I cramped, a lot. So I decided to take one more dose. The second and final time I decided to go off it I cramped even worse! I woke up this morning feeling sure that I was losing the baby (not something you want to feel after losing two already!).
Of course I got my lazy bum over to the doctors to ease my mind. I asked to be checked for a UTI (I am prone to them) just in case if my pains were UTI related. I also am keeping in mind that round ligament pains can sometimes be pretty darn awful. And since I am well on my way to being 13 weeks it eases my mind knowing that little bubs is going through a huge growth spurt right about now. phew!
The negatives of going in for the appointment: it was a last minute appointment so they squeezed me in when they had time and I still waited a full hour with an incredibly bursting bladder and I was close to throwing up the entire wait. I told Daniel as we were in the lobby that if I were to throw up I would also majorly pee my pants!
The positives of the appointment: the nurse was very nice, she couldn't find the baby on Doppler (because I had just emptied my bladder) so I got an ultrasound, I got to ask all the questions I had been collecting these past 2 weeks, and she comforted my weary mind about progesterone.
Basically she said that because the baby was jumping around (adorable!) and had a very strong heartbeat most women who go off progesterone at this time are perfectly fine, but of course she warned me to come in if I see any signs of bleeding.
Can I just say that I am so incredibly grateful that I was guided to this particular doctor's office? They never make me feel like I am insignificant. They are responsible for putting me on progesterone so that my chances of a third miscarriage early on are smaller and they always reassure me immediately if they can't find the baby on Doppler with a quick ultrasound. Seeing as my next real ultrasound isn't until 20 weeks it is so nice getting small glimpses of the baby developing. The little one jumped around and looked so big and baby-like (with a cute spine to boot)! I wish they offered pictures so I could have those forever, but I know the ultrasound was only to be sure the baby was fine.
So I am still terrified of going off something that I have been using as a crutch this whole pregnancy, It is the scariest thing I have had to do, but the placenta should be sustaining the baby now and I know I need to have faith. Daniel's father gave me a blessing when he visited us this past weekend and he said so many beautiful and reassuring things, but the most important part to me was the part that I am being asked to have faith right now. So I will have that faith and take the leap. I will lean even more on prayers and scripture reading during this scary time and know that whatever is in our future will be what is necessary for us to be incredible people in the eternities.
Also as a side note: I thought going off progesterone would make some of my fatigue and morning sickness calm down. Nope. I told Daniel as he was opening the door to get into the house that the first thing I was going to do was throw up. Needless to say, 2 seconds into the front room I turned and puked in the trash can. Pregnancy for the win!!!
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