A Very Welcomed Visit

Back in January 2013 I had a dream, but you could tell it was more like a vision. I believe three of my children visited me and it was one of the most spiritual moments I have ever experienced outside of the Temple. To this day I think of that dream often since I have struggled to create my family. It gives me peace and the complete reassurance I need that I will not just be a mother to the babies who have already moved on, but I will be a mother on this Earth as well. 

Taken from the actual journal entry:

I took a Sunday nap today and while I was dreaming I had a beautiful moment. My dreams started off normal--I was dreaming that I was fighting in a battle in the sky and I had just dodged a trap of needles and I was shooting down the bad guys. Then my dream shifted and I was dreaming that I was asleep facing the edge of the bed (my actual sleeping position). The room was filled with a warm, peaceful light. It could be described as sitting in a comfortably warm chair with summer rays shining through the window adding to the comfortable warmth. It was so peaceful. It is the feeling one can feel in the Temple, where you are closest to God. It really did feel like I was in a holy place.

In this dream there was a child, maybe age 5-8, who stood by my bed and held my hand. He said some things to me that I can't quite remember, but I truly felt connected to him. I do remember him saying "I'm ready to come." When he held my hand it felt so right and full of love. He was looking at me while he had my hand in his and then smiled and patted my belly (lovingly, but childishly) and said with happiness and eagerness in his voice and still smiling "Mommy, I want to come first." When he said this I felt like I was pregnant in the dream with two babies. I had dates flash in my mind. I felt as if the child wanted to come this year, but dates of conceiving later in the year also flashed in my mind. I call this child a he, but I never saw his face for certain. It felt like it was a boy, but I also felt a girl spirit nearby (I felt like she was one of the babies inside me). 

After he said he wanted to come first I woke up, but I felt like I wasn't really awake. I felt far away from the world--detached. I told Daniel what I had experienced and he reassured me it was a vision and not just a normal dream. The feeling of peace and love from the vision stayed with me for a long while afterward. I still felt like I was dreaming. I might even go as far as saying that the spirits of my children were still near me. I feel that the way is being made clear to have these children brought into my arms. I can say with no doubts that I love my children and will do anything to get them here safely. 

End of journal entry

It has been over a year since I had that experience and I still try to interpret the meaning. I now understand the vision better than I did back then and in some ways it comforts me and in others it makes me sad. I dreamed about (what I believe to be) the two babies I miscarried and about the one I am hoping to have in my arms this September if things actually go well this time. I happened to lose 2 babies in about 3-ish months that year and now I am once again pregnant and we did conceive the one due in September at the end of the 2013 (currently 13 weeks). I think of this dream often and wonder if I was being prepared to lose the two babies I was pregnant with in the dream, but the dream gives me hope that I will finally have the baby who happily and eagerly "wanted to come first."