Okay, now with the gritty and wonderful details:
The Friday before I went into labor I had my last prenatal appointment. At this appointment we saw Dr. Rees (who delivered our baby). I remember liking him a lot and I even talked football with him (which is very rare for me to do). He said I could have the baby anytime, but scheduled an induction for Sunday, September 21st if things didn't progress by then. I was beginning to worry that I would be induced because I really wanted to experience a natural birth. Dr. Rees asked me before we left the office if I was nervous or scared to go into labor. My reply was no! I told him how excited I was to finally have a baby (he knew my miscarriage history) and that I was only scared to get to the hospital in time, but otherwise no other worries at all. I credit hypnobirthing for this lack of fear. I had fears throughout my pregnancy about birth, but by the time I was full term I was ready mentally to birth our baby without fearing the what-ifs.
On Sunday (September 14th) I had been feeling contractions building for quite some time and had many false alarms previous to this day, but this day felt different. I canceled plans with my visiting teachers because I was tired and wanted to relax for the inevitable day. Daniel and I went to Applebees (miserable for me) and then for a long drive on the Alpine Loop. Maybe that wasn't the best idea if my labor was going to be a quick one because I remember being on the very top of the loop and telling Nathan to stay inside because I wasn't having a baby on the top of the mountain (though wouldn't that have been a cool story to tell if there wasn't any complications).
Sometime before I officially went into labor I asked Daniel for a priesthood blessing because I was afraid of being induced (cytotec scares the living daylights out of me). In his blessing I was told I would have the natural labor I desired, and sure enough I did. (let me just say I am extremely thankful for the comforts of priesthood blessings from a worthy husband).
Monday came around and so did the bloody show and definite labor as well. This was when one of my old fears I combated with my hypnobirthing fear release tracks reared its ugly head-- my fear of comparing labor with my miscarriages. The blood and contractions were so similar to losing my children. I knew it wasn't going to end the same and was able to quickly work past this fear. I think it was just that moment of reliving my losses. Once I moved past this obstacle I got excited and texted Daniel the news and told him to come home from work. We were going to have a baby soon! We thought we were going to have the baby that night or Tuesday morning with how much my contractions were progressing, but this baby had other ideas. Nathan was stubborn from the start and he wasn't going to make this easy for us. One of my friends even mentioned how Nathan sounded stubborn in the vision I had of him visiting me back in January 2013 because Nathan told me in that dream that he was ready and he wanted to come first. Nathan was not going to disappoint. Later Monday we went to Subway and I remember sitting and concentrating on contractions while Daniel got our food. I bet I looked awful to everyone coming in for the lunch rush.
I tried to sleep Monday night, but I just couldn't. My labor from beginning to end started in the front with the cramps/tightening and then radiated strongly into my lower back. Being on my left side (how I preferred to sleep while pregnant) made these contractions extremely strong and therefore I was awake the entire night. I am glad Daniel was able to sleep though because we didn't expect my labor to go as long as it did. I woke Daniel up around 2am and we went to the hospital (Timpanogos). My contractions at this point were 2 minutes apart and very strong. When we got there my labor stalled and I was upset about this because I knew it would just start up again right when we got back home. Our nurse at that time was Cori and I really liked her because she was considerate about doing things to me while I was having a contraction. We were sent home to labor.
We labored at home all Tuesday (a lot of people came over or called not knowing I was in labor) and finally late Tuesday I went back to the hospital (I did not feel comfortable laboring at home with contractions so strong and close). When we went in this time we once again had Cori as my nurse. Once again she was wonderful. Seriously if you want a nice nurse who respects natural birth at Timpanogos Regional, ask for Cori. My doulas asked about Daniel and mines story about how we met and got together for some feel good hormones. I loved talking during my labor and getting to know my doulas a little bit more. I was still not progressing as quickly as they wanted and my doulas (Laurel and Sarah) and I began speculating that it could be because I hadn't slept since Monday early morning and also felt too nauseous to eat. At this point it was at least 24 hours since I had slept. The nurse told me my labor was textbook and that it was good I came to the hospital (they normally would admit me at this point). She told me they wouldn't admit me because I wanted a natural labor, but if I wanted an epidural they would admit me right then and there.
What crap! I sometimes blame my long labor on being sent home so often because my biggest and pretty much only fear was not making it to the hospital in time and here they were telling me I should be in the hospital but to go home. I remember thinking, when should I come in?! My contractions were very close and getting stronger. If they had just admitted me I knew my body would feel safer and labor would have progressed much faster (when I was finally admitted Wednesday afternoon my labor was a normal 12 hour time frame and I account that for feeling safe and ready to give birth). We left the hospital for the second time and ordered Denny's so I could eat something, but I was feeling a little nauseous. The only thing that sounded good was a BLT. I took 3 bites of it when I got home. I tried to sleep but shortly after laying down I had stronger contractions and I jumped out of bed (as quickly as a laboring, huge pregnant woman could) and told Daniel I was going to hurl. He expertly grabbed a trash bin and put it in front of me just in time (some got on the floor and Daniel had to dump a lot of empty water bottles out before presenting me with the bin)! This was the only time I threw up during my labor. I ate some yogurt to put something light into my stomach after that.
We went to the hospital again deciding that laboring at home was getting frustrating because I couldn't sleep and that getting an epidural just to sleep might be the way to go (plus they said they would admit me if I got the epidural). I am grateful for my doulas helping me with their personal birthing stories about their experiences with epidurals. I felt very supported in all my decisions by Daniel and my hypnobirthing doulas (who were amazing with counter pressure!). When we got to the hospital we had Cori once again. I think she knew my heart was set on a natural birth and mentioned morphine and phenergan to help me get some sleep. My doulas were also aware of my desire for a natural birth and told me not to do an epidural if I would look back and regret it, so I decided against the epidural (glad I did, but I don't disapprove of them for those who choose that path, everyone's birth journey is unique). I received the shot and once again went home with the promise from my nurse that the next time I came in I would be able to stay since I was definitely very much in labor. Thank goodness! Every time I came into the hospital I was asked if I wanted a wheelchair. This makes me laugh because I refused each time, even if it did take me 5 or more minutes to walk to labor and delivery from the closest entrance (why take a wheelchair when moving is more productive and feels better!?)
I slept for 2 hours...2 disturbed, wake up every two minutes for a contraction then go back to sleep hours.We then labored at home till 11am Wednesday (17th) morning and went to the hospital for the fourth and last time! We met Laurel at the hospital and took a walk before going in, but it was getting hot outside so we only took a short walk around the hospital grounds. I didn't have Cori as my nurse this time and I was sad about that because my new nurses were not as considerate at first (until they read my birth plan, thank goodness for nurses and doctors who honor birth plans!!!) I got the lock put in my arm but not before the nurse in training missed multiple times while I was having strong contractions. That was intense! I was so grateful for Daniel and the doulas helping me through my back labor with counter pressure (even if it only worked part of the time and took just enough of the edge off the contractions). Shortly after I arrived I listened to a woman in the next room over give birth to her child. She screamed bloody murder! I felt bad for her (I was told she didn't get her epidural in time) and also began wondering if I would scream when the pushing stage came for me. I also wondered why people don't prepare for a natural birth even if they decide to go the epidural route since plans can change very quickly.
I eventually labored on a yoga ball, walking through the hallways, squatting, leaning forward...basically I wasn't confined to a bed and Nathan was only monitored for a short part of each hour. I loved that my birth plan was honored. My support made sure I was drinking often to stay hydrated (I didn't want to be attached to an IV the whole time). My support also constantly reminded me to stay focused and relaxed (smooth my face and to yoga breathe with low, loose tones).
Eventually the natural birthing room (with a jetted tub) opened up and we moved into that room! Before that I labored in a night gown I brought from home, but when I got into the tub I decided to just go naked! I guess I was already pass the point of caring who saw me naked. The tub was nice, but not as nice for me as some people described it. I was brought chicken broth and oh my goodness was it amazing to eat something!!! Shortly after inhaling some broth my water broke in the tub while I was squatting. I remember telling Daniel "I think my water broke, but with all the jets I am not very sure." But once I got out of the tub I knew for sure! I made my way to the bed and within an hour I was dilated to a ten (this was around 7pm Wednesday). I was so excited that we were going to have Nathan that day (thinking the pushing phase would not go 4 hours long). I went through 3 doctors at this time (Bennett, Drews, and Rees).
I began pushing in the squatting position since this felt the most natural and comfortable for me and baby. I was also told at this time that there was meconium in the amniotic fluid and the NICU team was brought in and getting ready for when Nathan arrived to give him assistance just in case he inhaled any into his tiny lungs. I was worried when I heard this, but I reminded myself that I was given a blessing telling me he would be safe many times throughout my pregnancy. I am grateful for the reassurance of the spirit during times of worry that Nathaniel would be strong and make it safely into this world.
I pushed for quite a long time with little progress. I account this to the fact that I let up on my pushes because I could hear Nathan's little heart rate go critically low during each push. So frustrating! Doctor Drews finally came in and checked me only to tell me that Nathan was not in a good position and to put me on oxygen because Nathan was struggling through each contraction. After adjusting Nathan I was told I was swollen from pushing so long with little progress and now had to push past a swollen cervix first and then everything else that was swollen. I was in for a lot of work! I had an amazing cheer team, but it was difficult for me feeling Nathan move down during contractions and then move back up in between when I was resting. (I typically slept in between contractions throughout my labor). I was extremely tired from lack of sleep and food, but I stayed hydrated. Daniel held my hand, my doulas reassured me I was doing a good job. I hated that stupid oxygen mask that kept falling off my face and scrunching into my eyes, but grateful that it kept Nathan safe.
The environment was so positive and loving. There came a point when I began feeling too physically weak to push and my doula mentioned that I should be given a blessing. Isn't it truly amazing being in Utah where it isn't awkward to be given a priesthood blessing while in labor! The room was peaceful and spiritual and I loved it! Daniel gave a beautiful blessing (while I pushed every couple minutes). I was re-energized and ready to push, though I admit, I prayed constantly that Nathan would come during each push, that I would be given the strength to get him here safely. I leaned against Daniel between contractions to rest and felt so loved and worn out! Finally Dr. Rees came in and stated I was not getting a c-section (my mind had crossed this way and worried about it). I was so happy to hear this!!! I was also happy to hear from observers that Nathan had hair! If that isn't motivation I don't know what is!!! I did worry that he would be born on the 18th because it was getting closer to midnight, but I was determined to have Nathan on the 17th!!!
Rees asked if I was okay with a vacuum intervention with an episiotomy. Before going through this I would have said no, but I knew this was the course of action I needed to accept. I was exhausted and so swollen that Nathan was having trouble coming without help. I felt empowered that I could make educated decisions. One of my doulas took pictures of the whole procedure (I love these pictures though they are inappropriate to show to the world). Dr. Rees said he would barely use any suction, that I would do all the pushing on my own and afterwards the doctor said he barely did anything. He was such a positive and reassuring doctor and the pictures of him delivering Nathan make me happy because he was so calm. He never made me feel like I was hurting my baby. He never made me feel inadequate. He only said things I needed to hear. He let me know when Nathan's head, shoulders, and body was out. I was being wiped at one point and I exclaimed "I pooped!" I decided before going into labor that I would claim having a bowel movement while pushing and not being embarrassed (I was naked after all).
Eventually Nathan was brought to me, but I was so tired and my arms were shaking from holding myself up on the squatting bar that I could barely see and hold him. Daniel supported Nathan on my chest and we all watched as Nathan nursed for the very first time. It was the happiest moment of my life. It was the moment I had been waiting for. I was finally an earthly mother. I was finally able to feel the joy and not the sorrow. I was finally able to experience the most beautiful miracle given to man. Nathan was safe and in my arms.
I was calm the entire time. People commented that it looked like I was sleeping during and after contractions. I was called super woman...though I am sure anyone could do what I did.
I used low, natural tones the entire time. I recommend hypnobirthing to everyone no matter if you are going natural or getting an epidural. I also recommend doula support if you go natural (especially if you end up having back labor the entire time like I did). I never experienced the moment of wanting to turn back. The contractions never were "painful" enough for me to want an epidural for the "pain". I was in control. I trusted my body. I trusted Nathan. I will always have this new found trust in how powerful a human body can be. I am grateful for our loving Heavenly Father and for the atonement. It is amazing the pain our Savior must have gone through for each of us.
Birth was the most intense feeling I have ever experienced, but it was only for a moment and it was worth every second of my 72 hours of back labor and nearly 5 hours of pushing only to tear to the extreme. I would do it again in a heart beat...but irish twins will have to be for another time. I think I will have to recover for a good year before having another child so I will be physically ready, no matter how mentally ready I am to do it again!
If you read all this then kudos to you!!!
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